MONDAY MOVIE REVIEW: Taken 2

Since the dawn of time, men have worshipped badasses.

Taken was a movie about nothing more than Liam Neeson being a badass. And it was great. Taken 2 isn't about anything beyond that – although it could be subtitled "How to Teach Your Daughter to Drive & Throw Grenades Too!"

It's a lesser sequel than the original, with less steady camera work and some moments of unintentional humor (a bad guy jumping from rooftop to rooftop is clotheslined by a clothesline ... Another baddie shoots a random guy in a hotel room and tells his partner, in Albanian, "I just shot a guy." Reading those words in subtitles during an action movie is probably more meta than it was intended it to be).

But all we wanted was for Liam Neeson to be a badass, and Taken 2 gave us that. So it got me thinking why six guys, my buddies and me, would each pay twelve bucks and spend two hours watching a crappy movie just to see more badassery.

We mythologize badasses: like Hercules, they face many trials, but have the strength of a demigod and succeed. Just think of some of the most celebrated badasses in literature and modern culture: Odysseus, The Marlboro Man, Han Solo, John McClane, Jason Bourne, and now Liam Neeson.

What makes a badass? I'd argue it's 5 key traits:

• He's quiet. The Marlboro Man may be the best example of this. He never speaks, he just rides the ridge line at dawn and dusk, and smokes his Marlboros. God, how I want to be that guy, and I hate smoking and I hate getting up at dawn.
  
• He's a loner. Another stereotype perfected by the Western hero. Gary Cooper's sheriff in High Noon, Rooster Cogburn, Clint Eastwood's Man With No Name... whether by personality or by choice or because the world has no place for men like him, he fights. And he fights alone.
  
• He's governed by his own principles. Even though they exist mostly outside of society (Han Solo is a scoundrel and a smuggler; John McClane is separated from his wife; the Marlboro Man is up on the ridge line, getting lung cancer), they fight for us. The badass is highly moral, but he's governed by hiw own moral code, not society's. Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven plays "a known thief and murderer, a man of notoriously vicious and intemperate disposition." But he avenges those whores.
  
• He's spartan. This is the reason I don't think James Bond is a badass. He's a loner, and he follows his own rules, but he indulges in too many pleasures to be a badass. All John McClane wants to do is scrunch his toes in the carpet at home. James Bond is something of a dandy, with his fancy cocktails, fancy women and full catalog of gadgets from The Sharper Image. Daniel Craig may be an exception, but falling in love with Vesper Lynd makes him more of a tragic figure than a badass. It makes him vulnerable. Badasses are not needy.
  
• He's unstoppable. You can depend on a badass. It takes Odyesseus ten years to return home to his wife, but he's faithful to the end (more or less). Jason Bourne has the same tenacity and you can bet Liam Neeson never gives up. A badass never stops to rest, he usually gets shot in the arm, or in the side, and keeps going.

That's what men worship in a badass: He has a lot to give. And he gives even more than he has. Certainly more than he takes.

As men, we want moral clarity and we want strength. That's why every man wants to be a badass.