Showing Up Un-Fabulous to the Ugly Sweater Party

Diego, Rock, the guys and I went to Russell's ugly sweater party Friday night. We did a little pre-partying at Rock's place and showed up a little late. By the time we got there, the party had been mostly cleared out of single ladies, and as it was co-hosted by Russell's roommate, who's gay, it was moslty gay dudes.

After we got drinks, I went up to one of maybe three single girls left there. She stood about two inches taller than me in heels and had a very pretty but very intence face. We started talking about living in the city and commuting when two guys in brightly colored sweaters that were more fabulous than ugly came up to us.

The gay guy in the electric cobalt sweater hijacked the conversation with the girl and I chatted with his friend.

"How do you know Russ?" he asked.

"We played on the same sloshball team."

"Oh cool," he said, sizing up my argyle sweater that was more tasteless than ugly. "This party is all gay guys, if I was straight, I'd run away!"

"No man," I assured him, "this is San Francisco. I'm a little bummed there aren't more single girls, but no one's gonna run away."

Suddenly he looked at me, then the girl, then back at me, "Oh shit, did we ruin your game? We'll leave you guys alone!"

I assured him that wasn't necessary either, as she hadn't been very interested in me.

Later, after they and the girl had left, Diego and Rock shambled back up to me.

"We've been watching you with that girl, dude" Rock said. "Consensus is she's a classic type-A. Very uptight, needs to be in control all the time."

"Well," I shrugged, "I'm not going to be the one to find out."